Violent Loss Resources
News you can use… collected for you in February (Scroll down to see all)
The News You Can Use…. will feature resources for those who live and work with violent death. Collective contributing will expand the resources for us all. What you tried, what worked for you may help someone else.
The plan is to feature Resources, Tips and True Experiences. Each month will feature a focus on one topic. Contents will vary somewhat month to month, as we close out this month, our contents include:
New Name
Mark Your Calendar for March 10, 6:30 pm -details below

Topic of the month: Grief and Resiliency
Question of the month- Funeral Homes- What was your experience and tips?
Resource of the Month: Tucson Arizona’s Homicide Survivors Program
The Journey: Learning to Live with Violent celebrates with local authors.
Add your Voice and Tips

Survivors of Violent Loss has a new name: to reflect changes and its outreach. The new website and newsblog will be called: Violent Loss Resources . This new site will be a resource for folks across the country in various size communities, agencies and family forms.
2016Vigil11San Diego Event hosted by Jonathan Sellers and Charlie Keever Foundation has their 5th Annual Candlelight Vigil. Please bring a picture of your loved one for the memorial table. Candles will be provided. For more information go to: candlelightvigil


February Topic: Grief and Resiliency
Look at Chapter Two in Murder Survivors Handbook for more information on grief and resiliency. Here are excerpts:
Grief and Trauma: Initial Impact
No one is prepared for the worst event in their lives. The pain of loss is very apparent after a murder. There can be an intense roller coaster of feelings and confusion that results in paralysis. Marina described it this way:

You know how oatmeal looks and feels when it’s been sitting for some time? imagined that was what my brain looked like on murder.

Am I crazy? Survivors wonder “What is normal?” They keep expecting this loss to be like other losses. Three major reactions that many find they have difficulty with are rage, sleep problems, and thinking.

Initially, I experienced intense rage, terror, and anguish. Insomnia became a constant companion. I lost my sense of competency in the world. (Marina)

The resources you have or have used before may not help you as much as you had hoped. Until you have acquired new strategies, be protective of yourself. What you can do:

• Say no to “incoming” distractions.
• Be selective to keep your strength up.
• EAT food (an apple, yogurt, raisins, carrot sticks, banana, V8 juice) three times a day and limit alcohol.
• Pull yourself back into quiet spaces. webMurder_Survivor-front-cover-sticker-2500web
• Focus on your own five senses, one at a time: see, hear, touch, smell, and taste.
• Take notice of any times that you are not absorbed with what has happened. Even if it is brief. See what you can do to lengthen that time to help you as you move in and out of the compelling reality of your loss.
• Breathe slow, deep breaths intermittently.

                      … read more in Murder Survivors Handbook

Question of The Month: Funeral Homes– What was your experience and tips?  What suggestions do you have? What did you learn that you wished you had known. What tips do you have for friends, family members, advocates and agencies. Submit your replies now to help others. Reply to this newsletter or email us at

Resource of the Month: Tucson Arizona’s Homicide Survivors Program.

When I was doing research for the Murder Survivors Handbook I found this site. It has a well established program that provides services for homicide survivors in Tucson, Arizona. Information on their website could be useful for anyone and not just if they lived in Arizona especially by using some of the questions to ask their own state representatives. There is very little that resources that survivors can find and this is one place that helps answer some of those important questions including a trial guide and a form to track one’s case. The Executive Director, Carol Gaxiola has a wealth of knowledge and has become both a friend and colleague. Take a look around and let us know found and wweb-coni-carmela-journeyhat you think.

Book Resource: The Journey-Learning to Live with Violent Death by Connie Saindon was featured at San Diego Library Author’s event. This newly released book is a self help and peer facilitator’s guide to a ten-step process that guides one to fill out answers to important questions along the way. New stories have been added along with guides to for group support.See book photo attended by sponsor Carmela Caldera with author Connie Saindon.

What you missed last month:
Topic of the Month: Safety
Book Resource: Parallel Justice for Victims of Crime by Susan Herman, NYC Deputy Commissioner
Poem: The Forever Changed

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Violent Loss Resources Team -Contact us
Connie Saindon       Larry Edwards