Your Support is Our Mission.
THE SURVIVORS OF VIOLENT LOSS PROGRAM
Invites You to Our 11th Annual
HOLIDAY MEMORIAL
Mark your calendars for
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2009
11:00 am – 1:30 pm
Location: Survivors of Violent Loss Program
3660 Clairemont Dr., Suite 2
San Diego, CA 92117
You are asked to bring
Friends and Family,
An Ornament Symbolizing Your Loved One
to Hang on Our Holiday Tree,
and a Poem or Words of Inspiration.
Please RSVP at svlp@svlp.org or (619) 685-0005
We have a new address!
3660 CLAIREMONT DRIVE, STE 2, SAN DIEGO, CA 92117
Our phone number, website and email are the same:
Three locations!
These groups are open to anyone who has had a loved one die in a violent way.
Location: Emerald Hills/Mt. Hope
Thursday, November 12, 6:00 pm-7:30 pm
UAAMAC Building
Behind Market Creek Plaza
4981 Market Street, San Diego 92102
Location: Vista
Thursday, November 19, 6:30-8:00 PM
No. Coast Church, Coast Kids Conference Rm
(Between “FROG 5” and “TOWER 6”)
1132 N. Melrose Dr., Vista 92083
760-724-6700 ext 256
Location: Clairemont
Monday, November 30, 7:30-9:00 PM
3660 Clairemont Dr., Ste 2, San Diego 92117
For more information please call
619-685-0005
On October 20, 2007
A special soul was called to Heaven.
It was on this fateful day
That a beautiful life was taken away.
Through no fault of her own
A little girl has been left all alone.
Her mother’s last words were I love you…it’s going to be okay And the little girl knew that her mom’s life was slipping away.
Because of one man’s choice
This little girl will no longer hear her mother’s voice.
Her life has been changed forever
Because of one man’s fatal endeavor.
Today he will be sent away
That’s the price he has to pay.
So when all the tears have been shed
This little girl will come out ahead.
Because waiting for her is a very special place That is filled with God’s amazing grace.
With God’s guidance
We can put this behind us.
We will always remember and never forget How Kelli touched the lives of the people she met.
Customize Rituals for the Holidays
To ease pain of loss and traumatic grief
By Connie Saindon, MA, LMFT
Founder of the Survivors of Violent Loss Network
It is well known that anniversary dates and holidays, especially the first one, can be difficult for those who’s loved one has passed away. When this loss is an unnatural death, holidays can seem unbearable and insurmountable. Thoughts of merriment may arouse feelings of guilt and worries of being disloyal. Life is shattered for those who have lost a loved one to a violent death and there are three basic assumptions that are shattered after traumatic events as such. They are: life has meaning, the world is safe, and I have worth.[1] These issues add to the burden for traditional days.
Rituals, ceremonies, and symbols are necessary for the management of fears and the adaptation to changes necessary in relationships after death.[2] Rituals serve to acknowledge change without threatening the overall social order and allow one emotional engagement along with creating a safe distance to ease the overwhelming pain of loss. Ceremonies help with adapting to what has happened and work to compartmentalize the review of losses amid holiday reminders. Symbols help replace painful intrusions and memories. An example of this is when Ann worried about what she would do with the neck and tail of the turkey at Thanksgiving. She stated that her brother, who was a homicide victim the summer before, always claimed the turkey parts every year. This holiday, she ate the tail in honor of her brother. She chuckled about her experience saying: ” I don’t know what he ever saw in them: they’re all fat!” Ann moved from being frozen about what to do, into an activity that honored her brother and gave her an unexpected laugh; something she had been unable to do since his death.
The work of Family Therapists’ Evan Imber Black and Janine Roberts,[3] emphasize the importance of rituals for many life events. They recommend setting up a separate activity prior to a holiday to acknowledge their loved one. An example would be setting aside a special night and inviting friends or family to bring favorite foods for an informal gathering. This special time could also be a time when photos are gathered to begin a memory album. This album could be worked on annually with more photos and stories collected each year. My family did this to help remember our sister who was a murder victim in 1961. Each family member selected photos and stories for their page and we continue to add to our album each year.
Not doing a special and separate activity tends to burden stressful holidays even more. Hoping to slip past such events without overwhelming reminders is difficult to do. A special time before the holiday can both honor the memory and mark the loss of your loved one. This frequently reduces the strain of the actual holiday.
It is important that rituals and ceremonies be customized. When one has lost an infant, doing an album may not work as there may be few photos and stories. One father who’s young son was murdered has a ritual whereby he goes to a country store and buys his mother a new “snowbaby” ornament that she started collecting in honor of her grandson. Another father who states “heroin murdered my son” is heard singing songs at benefits from the CD that his son helped him write.
To develop your own rituals, consider some of the following ideas and share them with those struggling to cope. Your rituals will give others ideas when their thinking is blocked due to SUGS- sudden upsurges of grief.[4] Activities can include the telling of stories; around a fireplace, or bonfire; going to the burial site and praying, chanting, singing, serving the needy, making charitable contributions, doing a difficult feat such as a hike, balloon rides, or a surfboard paddleout. Items to use for rituals could be candles, rosemary (for remembrance), seeds, sand, feathers, balloons, crayons, rocks, ribbon, music, stars, and irises (for hope).
[1] Janoff-Bulman, R., 1992. Shattered assumptions, toward a new psychology of trauma, The Free Press, Macmillan, Inc. New York.
[2]Goffman, E., 1971. Relations in public. New York: Harper and Row.
[3]Imber-Black, E., Roberts, J., 1992. Rituals for our times. New York: Harper Collins
[4]Rando, T., 1993. Treatment of complicated mourning. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
Connie Saindon is author of The Journey: Ten Steps to Learning to Live with Violent Death and contributing author of Violent Death: Resilience and Intervention Beyond the Crisis. Ms Saindon teaches on online course on PTSD and Violent Death.
Contact Connie for more information about books, training and consultations.
www.svlp.org csaindon@svlp.org
A family member or close friend is murdered, commits suicide or dies as the result of a drunk driver or war fatality. We don’t expect these things to happen. The loss of a loved one under any circumstances is painful. To lose a loved one suddenly and violently is devastating.
The Survivors of Violent Loss Program (SVLP) has been in existence since 1998, providing clinical services, support and education to those who live and work violent death such as homicide, suicide, drunk driving and other unnatural causes. Our staff is trained in the kind of grief that doesn’t go away in time.
Home for the holidays is a normal part of the season’s plan. The warmth, safety and comfort that “home” provides draws us to be with our loved ones. Being “home” can be especially challenging for many of our families who no longer have all that “being home” may mean.
SVLP serves more than 200 family members and caregivers annually. Everyone is eligible for the direct services we provide regardless of the ability to pay. In the past, SVLP worked under the umbrella of other nonprofits such as UCSD and Victim Assistance Coordinating Council (VACC). In July 2008, SVLP became its own separate and distinct 501(c-3) non-profit agency. We continue to exist in cooperation with peer support volunteers and community partners such as VACC, DA’s Victim Assistance Program, and the Cara Knott Foundation.
We would like to invite you, or your organization, to become a “community friend “of SVLP. Your donation will help us continue to provide services to the under-served and low income families as well as support us in our goal of obtaining our own space, our own program “home”.
We have established the following levels of support:
Life-Long Friend – $5,000+
Founding Friend – $1,000 – $5,000
Special Friend – $200 – $1,000
Family Friend – $5 – $200
At a time when we are being nearly overwhelmed with requests for our services, your gift will make an important difference. Thanks for opening up your heart … and caring. It means a lot to us and those we serve.
Please share the enclosed information and a personal note from you to help us work together to continue the necessary funding for this important work.
*****************************************************************************************************************
I am contributing $________ to this worthy program.
Name_____________________________________________________________________
Organization (if appropriate)_________________________________________________
Address:__________________________________________________________________
Telephone: _____________________ Email _____________________
************************************************************************************************* I would like to get more information about:
1. _______ Becoming a Volunteer
2. _______Upcoming Events
3. _______Becoming a Sponsor
Dear Friends and Families,
Enclosed is the information about the very successful year the Survivors of Violent Loss has had. Our work has extended to as far away as Thailand this year. There have been many who you know have cared about what happens to those who lose a loved one in an unnatural way.
Happiest of Holidays,
Connie Saindon
Survivors of Violent Loss Program 2008 Accomplishments
SVLP has had a banner year, despite a shoe-string budget
and heavy reliance on volunteer time!
Served over 200 families and caregivers
Held a Ten Year Anniversary Celebration sponsored by The San Felipe Humanitarian Foundation
Conducted a Two day Training, Violent Death Bereavement: Interventions for an Emerging Field with Ted Rynearson, MD at University of California San Diego Medical Center
·Published The Ten Year Anniversary Photo log of the Survivors of Violent Loss Program, Special Edition by C. Saindon (available)
Provided in service training on The San Diego Survivors of Violent Loss Program for over 30 mental health staff members at Balboa Naval Hospital
15 people and agencies attended the River of Remembrance
Over 50 people and agencies attended the Candle Vigil activities during Crime Victims Week
Provided training for Hmong in Thailand
Published The Journey Workbook and CD: an Individual Adult Survivors Workbook by C. Saindon (available)
Received Determination Letter for Nonprofit 501(c)3 status (June 30, 2008
Presented at Two Day Seattle Conference: Restorative Retelling: Creative Revisions, Virginia Mason Medical Center
Launched Online Course: PTSD and Violent Death Bereavement at University of California San Diego. Students have taken the course for general interest earning 9 CEU units
Compiled pre and post screening data covering ten years work on over 200 clients
Your Support is our Mission
Save A Life San Diego Community Walk
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Balboa Park (6th and Laurel)
Registration: 7:30 am – 9:00 am
Opening Ceremonies: 8:30 am
Walk starts at: 9:00 am
You have an opportunity to help save lives by supporting the Save A Life Walk which generates funds for suicide prevention through awareness, education, and support for survivors of suicide loss. 100% of the funds remain in San Diego.
In the United States a person dies by suicide every 16 minutes, claiming over 30,000 lives each year.
Suicide now ranks first among causes of non-natural death in San Diego County.
From 1995 to 2006, suicide took the lives of 3,959 San Diegans.
In San Diego, suicides outnumber homicides by 2.35 to 1
In San Diego, for every suicide completed, an estimated 8 – 25 are attempted.
The fastest growing group completing suicide is children between the ages of 10-14. This rate has doubled in the last two decades.
In San Diego County, white males have the highest suicide rate of any race/gender combination
Ninety percent of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental or substance abuse disorder or a combination of disorders at the time of their death.
The U.S. Surgeon General states that suicide is a major preventable public health problem.
The purpose of this walk is to develop awareness regarding mental illness and suicide; and to educate the public on how we can work together to prevent loss of life to suicide. The funds generated will support two local organizations that are already working to prevent suicide and support those who have lost a loved one to suicide.
For 27 years, Survivors of Suicide Loss of San Diego County has been supporting survivors of a suicide loss and educating the community about suicide and the prevention of suicide. We provide six monthly support groups throughout San Diego County; a call-in help line for survivors; publish over 1,600 quarterly newsletters; and maintain a speaker’s bureau for the prevention of suicide.
www.soslsd.org 619-482-0297.
The San Diego Chapter of Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program® is a school and community based youth prevention suicide prevention program that incorporates a collaborative, public health model to decrease suicide risk by promoting help seeking behavior among young people. During the past 11 years we have distributed nearly 675,000 Yellow Ribbon Lifeline Cards and have provided comprehensive suicide prevention education for over 167,000 middle/high school staff, students, and parents.
www.yellowribbonsd.org 760-635-5904.
This workbook includes a one-hour Calming Exercises CD.
See Order Information Below.
“The recently published, ‘The Journey – An Individual Workbook Kit’ is a wonderful and worthwhile addition to the field of Violent Death Material. The current amount of material in this field is quite sparse and ‘The Journey’ will prove to be valuable for both professionals working with this population and for the co-victim as well. ‘The Journey’ is unique in that the material can be used both in groups and individually and therefore will serve a multitude of purposes heretofore not available.”
Deborah Spungen
“Connie Saindon has brought the theoretical into the practical with this user-friendly workbook for family and friends of those who have died traumatically. In addition, therapists and support group leaders will find many helpful tools here. Experiencing this workbook will help people move through their grieving journey with authenticity and eventually find themselves more resilient.”
Janice Harris Lord
“The Journey Workbook is a much needed and useful aid for adult survivors of violent death. Thoughtfully written, it respects the individual grieving process that each person goes through after having a loved one violently killed and offers specific tools to help calm the mind and body.
Alison Salloum, Ph.D
The Journey can be ordered by contacting us or sending your payment and contact information to:
Survivors of Violent Loss Program
2333 First Ave, Suite 204
San Diego, CA 92101
Phone: 619-685-0005
Fax:619-685-0042
svlp@svlp.org
www.svlp.org
Marsy’s Law – Prop 9
will establish a Crime Victims’ Bill of Rights in the California constitution. Victims and survivors will be guaranteed rights in the investigation, bail, prosecution and parole processes. Victims will be protected from harassment by the criminals and their attorneys. Victims and survivors will be treated with respect and dignity in all phases of the criminal process.
For more information visit www.friendsofmarsyslaw.org
